For some reason, I only usually get on here and put the metaphorical pen to the paper when I'm fuming about something... I'm not quite sure why that is. I guess there just isn't a lot going on up there otherwise (which is really sad to admit).
Today, though, I have a treat for you! I wanted to post it on my Facebook (where else does one dispel greatly important information??), but I have some youngins I used to teach dance to on there (along with some of their parental units). So I turn to you. My loyal subjects... er... I mean, readers.
The treat is yet another blog that you need to follow. Honestly, I've only read one of his posts, but it was *THAT* good. Read for yourself:
Men of the world, the straight ones, nobody wants to see your afro down below. Yes, I said it. You know that judgmental glare you cast when something offensive crosses your line of sight? How many times have you winced when a hunting buddy mixes his camouflage patterns? I know, right! It’s ridiculous. So, imagine what your potential sex partner thinks when you reveal the privet you’re sporting in your tighty whities. I’m not trying to be hurtful boys. We gays are taught about these things during our “conversion.” That and the mind-blowing “gay face.” Look, your mother probably never thought to suggest it. I’m sure it never crossed your father’s mind. Let’s face it, if people took the time to teach their boys to keep their peckers clean, God probably wouldn’t have given circumcision the go ahead. Seriously, how hard can it be? Much simpler than keeping a vagina clean, I’d think, but that’s just me. So, without further a due, here’s the long and short (pardon the pun) of grooming down under.
Never go at your bits without doing your homework.
The worst thing you can do is jump in without a plan. Look at yourself in a full length mirror and really think about what will flatter your man weasel. As with hairstyles, not everyone can pull off a faux-hawk or a mullet. conversely, not every crotch-style will work for you. Keep in mind the magic word: proportion. If you have a tiny penis, consider less pubic hair. If you’re well endowed, you should keep it simple and let the hammer make the statement.
Get some clippers
Wether or not you decide to remove errant hair or create shapes, you should shorten the crop.
It only takes your sex partner getting a “long and curly” caught in the molars once to quit going downtown. Forget what you’ve heard. Women won’t think you’re gay for keeping things up down there, any more than they’ll think you’re Jewish for having no foreskin. Just make a practice run on your leg hair before you take the hand-held bush hog to your private’s. And, for god’s sake, be careful not to get your nut sack caught in the blades. I almost bled out that way once, well, thrice.
To shave or not to shave
Going bare is a personal preference. If you feel good about it, then go for it. Keep in mind, though, that it usually only works for guys with zero percent body fat. Otherwise, you just end up looking like a really big toddler. You should, at the very least, shave the scrotum. If you decide to shave at all, remember to
trim first. Use clippers with a guard to knock back your pubes, then you can shave. This extends the life of the razor. Speaking of razors, The cheapest will do fine if, and only if, you take your time. The last thing you want to do is shave off a nut.
Caution: Hot Wax
Some men prefer being waxed as it prevents annoying stubble, as well as dingleberrys. Women have extauled the virtues of a good clean up using wax for decades. I have, on occasion, experienced the benefits of this procedure, but be warned, it’s not for the faint of heart. What you’ve heard is true. It is painful, but only for an instant. Just have a stiff drink, man up and bite down on a leather strap. Never try to wax yourself, though. I did it once and almost ripped off my ass hole.
It’s not called man-scaping for nothing
Here’s the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. What straight guy doesn’t appreciate what curb-appeal can do for real estate’s value? Cutting back an over grown yard makes the outdoor space seem more open, thus increasing the implied value, right? Similarly, knocking back the pubes will make your penis appear bigger. As will losing weight, but that’s another matter altogether.
Now go ahead and click the Add button to add him to your collection of funnies, because I foresee great things ahead:
Eddie Outlaw
That is all.
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